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BABA MOLLY RABER – EULOGY
By Wayne Silver (Toronto, Ontario)
(Contributions by all her grandchildren)
At Shaarey Zedek Synagogue - Winnipeg
November 5th, 2004
At 16, my Baba had spent 6 months alone in an immigrant holding camp in Great Britain. Her mother sent her away from their home in Poland to start a new life. She was accompanied by a Polish woman. When they arrived in Britain the doctors noticed she had a deformed fingernail and thought she had some type of disease. They put her in quarantine and would not let her travel with her guardian across the ocean. Because she could not speak a word of English she could not tell them that the nail had simply been deformed in a childhood accident (when it caught between two doors). Finally the authorities allowed her to get on the boat to Halifax. When she arrived she knew no one. Fortunately, Sammy Goltzman, a relative, somehow found her and brought her to Winnipeg.
Each of her Grandchildren has sent me their own special memories of Baba – I have tried to include everyone’s thoughts for you today.
There are so many stories of my Baba’s life. It would take days to tell them all. About 10 years ago, as part of a family project Sonny Raber began “interviewing” Baba about her life and recorded those memories. One day when her great grandchildren are older we will sit as a family and watch those movies so they can fully appreciate what a special gift they had having a Baba who lived to 99.
I say 99 but no one is really sure. It was a running family joke. No one actually knew what day Baba was born or even what year. We just knew it was,”the day of the first snow” in the New Year, so we celebrated Jan 6th as her birthday. Until recently we thought she was 97 but now we believe she was 99, just 2 month shy of 100th, who knows maybe she actually was 100! – She certainly had a rich and full life
My first vivid memory of Baba was my first ever bus ride downtown to Eaton’s. We had lunch and then walked across the street to the Metropolitan Theatre to watch a movie. I’m sure you’d expect me to say it was a Disney movie, but that wasn’t my Baba’s style – It was Dr. Zhivago! That was 1965 and I was 7, the memories of going to that movie with Baba still play in my head. I can still picture Omar Shariff and Julie Christie on the screen.
Every year Mom and Dad would get in the car and drive (usually with the Handlers) to Florida for 4 to 6 weeks. Baba and Zaida would move in and look after us. We had so much fun and of course they spoiled us rotten!
Every Friday night was Shabbas dinner at Baba’s. I always sat on Zaida right hand side and Baba sat at the end of the table closest to the kitchen so she could get up and down to serve the food. After dinner my parents would go home but Randy and I always slept at their house, me with Zaida and Randy with Baba. We stayed there just about every Friday until I was nearly 16!! Jeffrey continued the tradition.
There were so many “memories” of 608 Queenston. As I kid I was always afraid to go down into the basement alone as it must have been built in the days of bomb shelters. It was twice as deep as any normal basement – about 20 stairs. The door was always closed and it was cold!
Every Saturday I’d watch NCAA football there and each year I had a Grey Cup Party for my friends. Baba would cook for everyone. One of the little things I remember is that for my entire life, Baba always had the same phone number, on Queenston, at her condo at 200 Tuxedo and finally at the Simken Centre it was always 489-8607
Food was such an important part of Baba’s house. Two things in particular, stick out in my mind – One was the old Metal Meat Grinder that Baba screwed on to the counter’s edge. She was always grinding up some meat and I used to love turning the handle and watch the meat go through. The other was her Apple Pies – she would bake a fresh one every Friday night. Each time she would include cooked raisins – Randy and I would tell her that we hated cooked raisins – of course the next week there would once again be cooked raisins. Even her Bran Muffins had cooked raisins in them. To this day both Randy and I hate cooked raisins in our food.
Baba always said that she was the reason I became an Engineer. When I was young she bought me boxes and boxes of Lego and she would sit with me on the floor in the living room as we built cities and towers. As I got older she bought me Meccano. I’d fill her whole living room with mechanical Ferris Wheels, Cable Cars with wire stretching across the halls and just about anywhere else you can image. I’m certain if she hadn’t created the desire to build things I would NOT have turned out to be an Engineer – but I probably would have been the Doctor she always wanted!!
Pesach was always a special time in her house – from the day I was born until Zaida died when I was 26, the only place I ever had a Sedar was at Baba’s table. Everyone came to Baba’s and the tables were extended down the whole length of the dining room and make a 90 degree turn and extend down the living room – I can remember as many as 35 people and no one went home hungry.
When it came to hiding the Afikomen, we would always drop it down the laundry shoot. Remember I said how deep the basement was – well when Zaida would “find” the matzos, it would be broken in small little bits so he couldn’t break it up at the table. After a few Pesachs, Baba and Zaida started leaving sheets and towels at the bottom of the laundry shoot so the Afikoman would have a soft landing!!
Zaida always read from a giant Haggadah while we often sat on his lap. Jeffrey inherited this family heirloom and Randy keeps it at her house. Each year at Pesach we take it out and sing Chad Gad Yah as fast as we can to honour their memories. Today, Randy and I have family Seders and invite more people than can fit into our house and no one goes hungry! We all agree that Baba and Zaida taught us what it meant to be Jewish, have a Jewish household and honour our family traditions.
Randy has similar memories of Baba Molly as an important and active part of our lives. From her earliest memories of Shabbat dinners and Friday night sleepovers to her glowing, smiling face, as she watched our children, her great-grandchildren grow. Baba was always there.
She was such an integral and participating person in our lives that many of our friends even called her Baba Molly!
As a little girl, Randy’s food memories were watching Baba make chicken soup. As an adult she still follows her recipe - a pinch of this, a dash of that. Another thing she remembers was there would be a bag of Cheesies in the cupboard – when I go to Randy’s house I open the cupboard and can still find Cheesies. Today, Randy is a great cook because of Baba and Mom’s influence.
We spent amazing times with her and Zaida in Hawaii. Baba would walk with Randy to Ala Moana shopping center, but Randy had to tell her to slow down because she couldn’t keep up. Just like me, one of her favourite memories is waiting for Baba to walk to our house on the weekends so she could take the Grant bus to Eaton’s for lunch.
Randy is sure her love of walking came from Baba. The speed she walks is definitely attributed to her!
Jeffrey’s memories of Baba are some of his happiest. Baba was
always 100% supportive of everything he ever did or wanted to be. When we got older Jeffrey continued to go alone to Hawaii even when Mom & Dad started going to Florida. They played cards under the main palm tree at the Hilton Hawaiian village. Jeffrey was the person who counted the money so Baba called him the “banker”. Just like Randy, Jeffrey has memories of how Baba loved to walk in Hawaii and could always walk longer and faster. Even when he was 14 years old, he still couldn’t keep up with her.
Jeffrey’s food memories also include pies!! His favourite was blueberry (by the way - it didn’t have raisins). But the single food we all remember was Baba’s famous honey cake. No one will ever forget how good it tasted and how hard it was. You often had to bite into it with your back teeth or try to cut it very thin so you could chew it. Baba’s Honey Cake was unique to growing up in Baba’s kitchen. Even today, my wife, Nava and Randy’s husband, Richard can’t believe we actually eat it - as it could literally hurt someone if you threw it at them.
Since he was a little boy, whenever he would leave the room, Baba would always pat Jeffrey on the bum (3 times). The last time she did it was just 8 weeks ago.
After Zaida died, Baba started going to Palm Springs each winter with her best friend Gladys Klapman. I could live a book tells stories about those two. Jeffrey would go each year and they would get up very early and go for a long walk before breakfast. They would go out for dinner, always around 5pm to get the early bird specials!! Sometimes after dinner they would go to a movie. Baba never lost her love of the movies. Jeffrey always preferred going to a movies with her because if he stayed home Baba and Gladys would watch TV on the highest volume as neither of them could hear a thing. When he went to visit Baba, it was impossible to go to sleep when the TV was on as you could hear it 2 blocks away!
Later in life, she lived on her own and still refused to use a walker to get around, lived on her own well into her 90’s. Whenever she went shopping she kept the grocery cart and would walk with it all the way home. When we’d come to visit it always seemed strange that there would be 3 or 4 grocery carts in front of her apartment door.
Mahjong was such an important part of Baba’s life. As kids we all remember the games at her house. While the Men played “kaluke” in the kitchen, the woman set up a bridge table in the Living room with the Maj Board. – These game could get quite “heated” and I remember hearing a few choice words come from Baba’s mouth. Every week, until a few months ago she still played mahjong with the “ladies” at the Asper Centre.
Brooke decided to learn how to play Majhong so she could spend quality time with Baba, but what she didn’t know was that Baba would play for money. So when Baba finally decided Brooke was ready to get into the game – she still played to win! Even though she was her grand-daughter she still had to pay up!
Baba would always ask Brooke why she was not wearing any lipstick. Brooke could never understand how she always knew, as she could barely see anything without her glasses on. Later on it became, “so when are you going take out that nose ring” Brooke would say "why? Don’t you like it?" and Baba would just smile.
Randy, Jeffrey and Brooke could never visit Baba without her asking – “so when are you getting married” – I think this started when they were all 10! By the way – since meeting Jeffrey’s partner Diana, Baba started saying to Jeffrey, “So NU – what are you waiting for?”
Baba had a fifth grandchild that was my wife, Nava. Since she was 23 years old, Baba Molly was her grandmother too. Nava will always remember how happy Baba was when she told her we had named our son - her great grandson, after her husband, Joseph.
Richard, Randy’s husband was always playing jokes on Baba. When Baba came to visit 8 years ago they had just moved into a big house. Richard picked her up at our place and drove her into the driveway of a dilapidated house down the street from their real home. Baba must have been horrified, but ever the diplomat she said, “Oh it’s very nice – but it could use a little work”. When he finally fessed up the joke and drove her to the real house she “oh this is much better – this is a real house!” Baba always said she always loved Richard because “he knew what he wanted” and didn’t waste anytime marrying Randy once they’d met.
One thing anyone who ever met Baba will always remember was, that she was always impeccably groomed with her nails and hair done. Baba never went out without a fresh coat of lipstick and could never understand why even though you got older why you still shouldn’t look your best and she always did, especially when her grandchildren and great grandchildren came to visit. In August, just 5 days after her heart attack, she had her hair dresser and friend, Alfonse come to the Simken Centre, to do her hair and have a manicure. She wanted to look her best before my family came to visit.
I am certain, that is one of the reasons Randy became a make-up artist and her first career was in the cosmetics industry. It must have rubbed off on me too because last year I decided to get into the beauty industry and build a Spa. When it opens early next year I will dedicate it to the memory of my Baba.
My Baba, at time could be, I’ll put this”diplomatically” a little vain! Even before I was born she starting losing her hearing, but for the longest time would not wear a hearing aid, because she would worry what people would think. Ever since we can remember we’d always be yelling at her to make sure she understood us. We always knew when she smiled and nodded her head and than asked the same question that we’d just answered, that she had no clue what we’d just said to her.
In the last years of her life Baba made some new and very special friends that became part of our family!
For the past 30 years Uncle David was part of Baba’s life and a great support for Nessie and Brooke.
My Baba developed a special friendship with Maria. Maria made sure that Baba went to the Asper Campus to play Mahjong and took her to get nails and hair done. Her kindness and compassion for our Baba, her friend will always be remembered by us. How can we ever thank you for all you have done for our Baba. I know you’ll miss her as much as we will.
And than there is Syd. I am not sure what the past years would have been like without him. He has been a rock for my Mother and a constant support for the family. He’d come take Baba for lunch every Sunday and would often visit her even when Mom wasn’t there - he was like a son to her the past few years. Thank you Syd, for coming into our lives.
The Simkin Centre Staff cared for Baba the last few years of her life and were a tremendous comfort to the family. They made the last part of her journey so much easier. Thank you.
Baba was so happy to see her great – grandchildren, Lauren Joey, Alexis, Carly and Hailey. Our children are so blessed to have had her in their lives.
Baba literally outlived every one of her family and her friends. The past few years we all could not believe how my Baba fought back from every challenge and health problem – we began referring to her as the “Energizer Bunny” because she just kept going and going.
As you all know, it has been a hard month for the Olasker Family – Auntie Goldie died last Sunday at the age 97 and now Baba is gone. But I guess that should have been expected, as Baba would want to make sure her “baby” sister was in a better place first. Up until just a few years ago she would go visit and spend time with her.
Baba was our Matriarch, She held that position well. She leaves a legacy of love and devotion. She instilled a sense of “yiddishkite” and “mispacha” in all of us. It’s a testament to her that we are such as close as a family.
Saying good-bye is never easy, and it was even harder for Mom and Auntie Nessie. As much as Baba liked to give them a hard time, she was there for them. She had high expectations of her daughters and they rose to the occasion, and made her proud. They should take comfort in knowing they cared for her when Baba needed them most. We hope we are as fortunate as they were to have their Mommy for as long as they did.
I like to think that Baba is in a better place now, one that unites her with her husband Zaida Joe and our father Paul. She always told us they would be in heaven waiting for her. Go peacefully Baba, and give Zaida and Daddy a kiss for us. We love you and we’ll miss you dearly.
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